28 Days

Im so tired about this life, I do realize my mistake and how I ruined everything because of my own ego, should I end this? give me a reason why I should give myself another try? mother nature try to teach me a lot of time about this life, but again ego always win and slowly consume me as well my surround.

Im so tired, really tired, I even cant help myself to fix my own life, I try to be positive there will be a light after this darkness, but I cant even predict when this darkness will end.

This darkness seems to getting darker than ever, hard to accept the fact that I should be patient and look deep to the sky for finding light of hope even it single small tick, just believe it will be there, do I have chance to find it? or is this the time for me to give up and face that I've lost and ruin everything then fight the darkness?

Everytime I close my eyes, I only hope this nightmare will be end and I wake up on my small apartment, drink my morning coffee while waiting my bunny to come and enjoy our lite breakfast before we spend the day, go around the city with my old rotten car, spend our night at small pub just to chat and dance.

But after 28 days of sleep, this nightmare far from over.

Revenge Affairs? Sweet Revenge? Does it works?

Sweet Revenge?

I want to make him/her hurt as bad as I hurt!
I want my partner know how it feels!

So you’re thinking of having a revenge affair. I understand. I thought about doing that too. After all …

Why play by the rules anymore? Playing by the rules didn’t get me what I wanted.

Why shouldn’t I have some fun?

Wouldn’t it help them to understand what it feels like to be hurt?

And besides my self-esteem and sexual identity are crushed. I need to know that someone else would desire me!

You are free to do whatever you want. It’s your life, and you will live with the consequences of the choices you make. 

Facts about revenge affairs

Having a revenge affair is going to make your life worse, not better. Revenge affairs don’t work.

We have a revenge affair to make ourselves feel better, but we end up feeling worse. It ends up doing more damage. It’s disastrous.

There are people in our culture who believe that monogamy is unrealistic and everyone has affairs, and obviously, if that’s a personal belief system, they’re going to have affairs.

Affairs are not about someone waking up one day and thinking.

"Today I’d really like to hurt my him/her. Now let me see. What means, an evil, terrible thing can I do to hurt them. I know I’ll have an affair. That will really get them!"

That’s not how affairs generally happen, but that’s what a revenge affair is. They are actually having an affair with the intention of hurting their partner.

When you have a revenge affair, your spouse doesn’t feel the same level of betrayal. Instead they generally end up feeling better. There is something inside human beings that feels we need to be punished, to pay a price for our wrongs. If we pay a price, we think we can be forgiven, restored, and released from our guilt.

If the betrayed spouse has a revenge affair, the unfaithful spouse got their punishment. The price has been paid. Their guilt is diminished. They feel better about themselves. So the revenge affair does not have its intended outcome.

Revenge affairs also fail to make the initially betrayed spouse feel better, like they think it would. They think, “He/she got to go out and have all that fun. I’ll go out and have that fun too.”

The problem is, when you go out and have an intentional affair it’s usually not that fun. When the initially unfaithful spouse first has their affair there is a thrill and an excitement as they gradually slide across boundaries.

When you go out to a bar or go to a singles site to meet somebody, and you’ve decided “I’m just going to go sleep with somebody!”, you’re full of anger and pain. You don’t get to experience the fun of an affair. Revenge affairs don’t give you the thrill, excitement or the chemical high.

Instead you feel scummy, especially after.

The thoughts that kept me from having a revenge affair were …

“How does me becoming a lesser person make things right?

“What kind of person am I if I allow my spouse's bad choices to cause me to make bad choices too?

“I’m not going to lower my standards just because they lowered their standards."

“I’m not going to lose my dignity just because they made a choice to lose theirs.”

Sometimes the unfaithful partner wants you to go out and have an affair, so you can be “even.”

Two wrongs still don’t make a right.

If you think a revenge affair will make you feel better after you do it, YOU ARE WRONG. It will make you feel worse and possibly be the biggest mistake of your life. Remember once it’s done, you can never go back.

There is also the issue of the other person you have the revenge affair with. You will be using this person in a selfish way, and that person didn’t do anything to you to deserve that.

The greatest revenge is kindness which is not easy after all of the mistake and will put yourself at better level than your partner who've done that to you, and with that kind you end up rewarded! And you should think about it.

Cheers!

Get Over with Past Jealousy

Adit had been dating Grace for almost 6 months, and everything seemed to be going well, except that Adit could not get it out of his head that Grace had been intimate with other men in the past. Even though he felt that the communication between the two of them was going well; even though their sex was extremely passionate; and even though Grace told him that she loved him, Adit kept ruminating about Grace and other men.

Retrospective jealousy or jealousy about your partner’s past is a common issue for couples. You may feel that their past is something that threatens your current relationship, and so you keep dwelling on it. For Adit, his thoughts kept triggering his anxiety:

• I wonder if he was a better lover than I am.
• I wonder if she might want to go back to him.
• I wonder if she is thinking about how great it was with him.
• I wonder if she will want other men and reject me.

Adit could acknowledge that the relationship was going well, but he also realized that these thoughts were plaguing him. Her past experiences created for him a sense of uncertainty — “I don’t know how she feels about them” — and a sense of lack of control — “I can’t keep her from having fantasies.” He thought that her thoughts and feelings about the past were a threat to his current relationship.

What should Adit do to help himself?

1. Normalize your feelings.

This kind of jealousy is normal and simply reflects the primitive human desire to be the only one — ever. In fact, in some cultures there remains an insistence on “virginity” for new partners, although it is often not possible, practical, or desirable. Any competition is viewed as a current threat. So don’t think that you are crazy because you have these feelings.

2. Validate the pain.

It’s difficult to have jealous feelings. They make you anxious, angry, sad, and helpless, and they interfere with your current relationship. So give yourself some compassion when these feelings arise.

3. Don’t turn your relationship into a trial.

Sometimes your anxiety about the past leads you to do things that only add to your anxiety and alienate your partner. Try to minimize interrogation, reassurance-seeking, accusations, and withdrawing. These strategies only make matters worse.

4. Realize that there is a reason the past is in the past.

Most relationships end for good reasons. Maybe your partner’s past relationships ended because one or both partners found it unrewarding. If that relationship ended, it may no longer be important to your partner. You don’t need to resurrect the past to get on with your life

5. Thoughts and feelings are not dangerous.

We often want to control the thoughts and feelings of our partner — a kind of romantic perfectionism. This is unrealistic and only adds to your partner's feeling that satisfying you will be impossible. If you accept that everyone has private thoughts, feelings, and fantasies, you will be living in the real world where a real relationship is possible.

6. Everyone has a past — including you.

Imagine if your partner insisted that you do not have a past — that you had to be completely “pure” and unentangled by memories. How would you feel? Isn’t there a reason why your own past relationships ended?

7. Would you really believe someone who never had a past?

This may be an antiquated wish — that your partner has no past with other people. But we are not living in the 16th century. In the modern world, people learn from their past experiences and often use those lessons to make their present experience even better. After all, would you really believe someone over the age of 21 who told you, “I have never found anyone else sexy?”

8. Focus on making the present better.

It’s less important what happened in your partner’s past and more important how the two of you deal with the present. Interrogating, accusing, seeking reassurance, and withdrawing will not strengthen the bond between you. Rather than ruminate about the past, try doing everything you can to love and appreciate each other. Make daily and weekly plans for pleasure, growth, and communication, rather than litigating what has been over for quite some time. The current relationship will thrive on its own merits.

The past can be left — in the past.

Some of You

Sometimes, I get annoyed without even knowingBut my feelings for you haven’t changedMaybe I’m the weird one, I thought
As I struggled by myselfWhile tossing and turning alone in an empty roomThe TV plays reruns of yesterday’s dramaAs I hold my phoneThat doesn’t ring until I sleep
These days,It feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine but notIt feels like I’m yours, it seems like I’m yours but notWhat are we?I’m confused, I don't want to be alone either
It feels like we’re lovers,It seems like we’re lovers but notWhenever you see me, you act so vaguely to meThese days, I hate hearing that I’m just like a friend
I want to open my eyes to your text every morningI want to fall asleep with your voice at the end of the dayOn the weekends, I want to hug youIn front of a lot of people as if I’m showing off
These days,It feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine but notIt feels like I’m yours, it seems like I’m yours but notThese days, I hate hearingThat I’m just like a friend
I don’t like you, don’t like you these daysBut I only have you, I only have youClearly draw the line for meDon’t pull outBut confess your love to me
Pretending that we’re just friends,Acting like we’re lovers, don’t do thatThe more I think about it,I get more curious about your real feelings
Girl, you’re so ambiguous,I can’t do anything or maybe I’m expecting a miracle, lottoI want a clear sign but I forget when I see your smile
These days,It feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine but notIt feels like I’m yours, it seems like I’m yours but notDon’t just laugh like you don’t knowAnd stop this now, be real with me
Don’t put me in your heart and look elsewhereWhy don’t you stop acting like you don’t know?Don’t give excuses that you’re tiredBut hurry and tell me, I love you

The Art of Dating Younger Woman

Dating younger women is very different to dating older women. This article will show you how to date a younger woman and overcome the insecurities of age difference.

If you find yourself dating a younger woman, then congratulations. Most men can only dream of dating a younger woman, even though it’s been found that the older we get as men, we still want to date younger women (a large part of society still refuses to believe that this is normal).

Fortunately for men, younger women want to date us too. As we get older, women still find us desirable and want to date us. This is great news for men and it’s always great to know that when we get older, we still have many options with women (assuming you don’t let yourself go and become overweight and excessively out of shape).

That being said, there is nothing like a bit of an age difference to bring out the insecurities in a man in a relationship with a young woman.

If you’re dating a girl 10, 15 or 20+ years younger than you, then it’s often natural to feel that this is too good to be true and the relationship won’t last. But the truth is, the only reason relationships with an age difference don’t work out is because one of the partners in the relationship becomes obsessed about age and can’t get over it.

Dating a younger woman, however, is very different to dating an older woman. It’s not always easy and it takes a strong man to date a much younger woman and keep her around for the long-run.

Once you know what you’re doing, dating a younger woman is incredibly easy and has a lot of advantages. Older men are naturally attracted to younger women and younger women are naturally attracted to older men.

Remember when you were in your early 20s and in the best shape of your life? Your face was wrinkle free, you had a great body and had the whole world at your feet. There was, however, just one problem. Despite the fact that you looked awesome, all the hot women just weren’t that into you. It wasn’t because you didn’t try to engage them in conversation or ask them out, but for some inexplicable reason women just weren’t that interested.

This is for the simple reason that women are biologically more attracted to older men (even if these same older men don’t look as physically attractive as their twenty year old counterparts).

A lot of men that I speak to feel ashamed to admit that they’re dating a younger woman. They worry what their parents will think, what their friends will think and what strangers and society as a whole will think. They also worry what their girlfriend’s friend will think and they worry that people will laugh at them.

The reason you shouldn’t feel ashamed to date a younger woman, however, is because it’s completely natural.

Women and men are attracted to each other for different reasons. Men are attracted to a woman’s youth and beauty and femininity. And women are attracted to a man’s strength and resources and masculinity.

At no point in time does a woman find herself attracted to a man because he is young. If anything, youth works against men as many young guys will tell you… they can’t get laid despite their best efforts.

A woman’s instinctive nature understands that young men often lack true confidence, strength and masculinity. They also often lack experience and worldly skills that women find so appealing and attractive when they date older men.

In fact, a young man’s naivety and lack of real world experience can be a very real and dangerous threat to a woman’s existence and the man’s ability to protect and provide for his woman. Again, a woman instinctively understands this and this is why women so often gravitate towards older men.

This is nothing to be ashamed about, instead it is something to be embraced and accepted. And despite what people will tell you, women usually hit their prime between the ages of 18 and 25. Whereas a man doesn’t hit his dating prime and full attractiveness until his 30s and 40s.

Unfortunately, most men are completely out of shape by the time they reach 35. They’re overweight, badly dressed and they look 50 years old from drinking too much alcohol, smoking too much and eating too much junk food.

Before I get into the “How To…” of dating a younger woman, it’s important to take a look at some of the reasons why younger women want to date older men. This is so we can understand why younger women find older men attractive.

• Older men are more emotionally stable.
• They have more resources (money and assets).
• They are more committed and more likely to settle down.
• They take the relationship more seriously.
• Older men will value a younger woman more.
• They are more likely to protect and nurture a younger woman.
• They are more refined and elegant than younger men.
• They are usually more confident and strong (in mind and body).
• Older men are more streetwise and worldly.

Dating a younger woman takes a certain level of strength and mastery, especially when it comes to maintaining the relationship. In every relationship there are problems. This is felt even more acutely in relationships where a large age difference exists.

The greater the age gap, the more the man and the woman will wonder if the age difference is okay or if it’s actually going to be the ruin of the relationship. I have seen men successfully date women 25 years younger than themselves. Only about 10% of men can do this successfully, however. The other 90% of men fail because they let the age difference get to them. Even though it shouldn’t.

NEVER MAKE AGE AN ISSUE

When you’re dating a younger woman you have a choice: either you can talk about the age difference and make it an issue or you don’t.

I’ve seen guys try to reassure their younger girlfriends that age isn’t a problem, when it obviously is… but only to them. These same men make the age gap an issue and it’s always in the back of their mind, eating away at them.

If you start worrying about the age difference between you and your girlfriend, your girlfriend is going to worry too and before you know it… age has suddenly become a problem.

Now there will be times when your girlfriend will worry about the age difference in the relationship. This is normal and it’s what women do, they worry.

When this happens it’s important not to be worried or disturbed by what she says. Simply laugh it off and tell her that you don’t even notice the age difference because you already have a strong emotional connection with her.

The less you worry, the less she’ll worry about the age difference. Men who are most successful dating younger women don’t even worry or care about the age difference. And if they do, they definitely don’t make it an issue or a problem.

DON’T TRY TO EDUCATE HER OR BE HER DADDY

If you’re dating a younger woman it’s tempting to fall into the role of “substitute father.” Women love this to a point, but it’s also very easy to fall into the trap where you try to educate your girlfriend about life.

It’s understandable that your protective instincts will kick in and you’ll want to help guide your girlfriend through life, but if you try to tell her what she should and shouldn’t do, and if you try to explain to her how the world “really” works, you’ll end up coming across as just another boring old guy.

The only time you should give advice is if your girlfriend asks for it. She wants to feel equal in the relationship, she wants to have a strong emotional connection with you. If you start lecturing your girlfriend, you’ll only end up driving her away from you.

DON’T TREAT HER LIKE A GODDESS

I’ve seen a lot of guys date younger women and literally worship the ground that these women walk on and do anything to make them happy.

It’s kind of understandable that a lot of guys act like this. A lot of guys have got out of bad divorces or have have spent the last ten years in a relationship with a woman their own age who is bitter and jaded, when, suddenly, they find themselves dating a much younger woman who looks great naked and has a fresh and innocent view on life. The younger woman isn’t jaded and she doesn’t have baggage.

The natural reaction in this situation is for the man to treat the younger woman like she’s incredibly special. Sure she is special, especially compared to a lot of older jaded women out there, but you don’t want to let her know that.

The moment a woman starts to think that she’s special in the relationship is the moment she starts to think that she has higher value than you. This is danger time.

If a young woman gets a sniff that you might value her much more than she values you then she’s going to start testing the hell out of you and she’s going to make you jump through hoops to please her.

You need to establish from the beginning that as the older man in the relationship that you are higher value than her (because women from an evolutionary perspective want to date higher value men), regardless of how old she is or how beautiful she is.

DON’T TRY TO BUY HER LOVE

If you’re a guy with money and assets, it’s easy to be fooled into thinking that the only reason your younger girlfriend is dating you is because you’re rich.

Sure the fact that you have your life together and have money is part of the attraction, but it’s not the money she’s attracted to, it’s your strength and skill which has enabled you to earn your money that your girlfriend is attracted to.

If you start lavishing your girlfriend with gifts and spending a lot of money on her then you’re acting out of a place of weakness.

You should only ever buy gifts for women and spend money on women who are in love with you. And even then, you should only do this occasionally and as a reward for good behavior.

Despite what most people think, humans, both men, and women, don’t like to receive too many gifts (and beware those who do).

If you start buying too many gifts for your younger girlfriend and spending too much money on her, then she’s going to feel like you’re trying to buy her love.

She’s also going to feel like you’re trying to win her over and expect something in return for all the money you’ve spent on her. Your younger girlfriend might enjoy being taken care of emotionally and physically, but she won’t appreciate someone trying to buy her love and she’ll think you’re weak and needy if you try to do this just to keep her around.

DON’T SEEK HER FRIENDS’ APPROVAL

If you’re dating a younger woman, then you’re going to feel awkward at times when she wants you to meet her younger friends.

It’s very important that you don’t try to seek her friends approval and try to win them over. If you meet your girlfriend’s “younger” friends and you try to act young and talk young, then it will come across as forced and unnatural because you’re acting out of a place of insecurity.

Working hard to win her friends approval is pretty much the worst thing you can do because it lowers your value and makes you look stupid.

Instead, you need to remain strong and confident and make her friends work for your approval.

It’s the same thing as bringing your girlfriend into your world. You want to bring her into your world as opposed to trying to fit into her world. Let’s be honest, if you’re a man who is older than his girlfriend, your world is likely to be more interesting and comfortable than her world. It’s also going to be a much more attractive place for her to be.

There is no advantage at all trying to fit into her world. There is no upside and it can only work against you and backfire if you try to do this.

YOU MUST BE VERY MASCULINE TO DATE YOUNGER WOMEN

If your find yourself dating a younger woman then there’s a very good chance that your girlfriend is extremely feminine.

In fact, the bigger the age difference the more feminine your girlfriend is likely to be. Truly feminine women always seek out older men as partners because this relationship dynamic feels more natural to them.

When a woman is extremely feminine she is much more likely to be physically smaller and to also have a softer “girlier” personality. Because of these traits a feminine woman is much more likely to seek out a man who is older and more capable of protecting her.

Younger, more feminine women always look for more masculine man to be with as this is the perfect compliment to her femininity.

This means that as a man you have to fully embrace your masculinity and be an “alpha male” if you want to keep your younger girlfriend attracted to you. You have to make her feel that you can protect her both physically and emotionally. You also have to exude strong masculine traits like leadership, confidence and decisiveness when dating your girlfriend.

Your girlfriend will also expect you to be fully in touch with your masculinity. Where younger guys are known for their indecisiveness, uncertainty and false confidence, you must stand out with your boldness and real, true confidence.

If your girlfriend senses that you aren’t really sure of yourself and that you aren’t internally strong and confident enough to date her, then she will start to pull away from you and seek out a relationship with another man who is strong and confident.

The same applies if you try to seek assurances from your girlfriend about whether or not she really loves you and is really attracted to you. I’ve seen a lot of guys date younger women and it ends up bringing all their insecurities and vulnerabilities to the surface.

These guys worry that they look too old when they’re with their girlfriend. They worry that their girlfriend will leave them for a younger (more handsome) man. They worry that things are too good to be true and it’s only a matter of time before their girlfriend realizes that she with an “old man” and dumps him for someone closer to her own age.

If you start to think like this then you’re literally opening up Pandora’s Box and creating a world of trouble for yourself. Remember, thoughts are energy and they hold real world consequences.

If you start to doubt yourself and your relationship, your girlfriend will start to sense this. Her immediate response will be to test you, and a younger woman will always try to test your masculinity to make sure that you’re strong and still capable of protecting her.

The important thing to remember is that staying strong and embracing your masculinity is exactly what you need to do to keep your girlfriend attracted to you.

Age isn’t a real problem unless you make it a problem and start obsessively focusing on it. Age only becomes a problem if you start to doubt yourself and act insecure over the age difference.

Guys who successfully date younger women never focus on the age difference. They keep the relationship light and playful and fun and don’t try to lock their girlfriends down into a committed relationship. At the same time, these guys are very masculine and confident and they don’t let small things like “age difference” and uncertainty get in the way of a great relationship.

Dear Me, Please Read This

Dear Myself.

If you are reading this there is a small piece of you that wants to hold on.

I am so proud of you for reaching out, even if you have done so without words. You have kindly given me a few minutes of your time, and I do appreciate that.

I want you to live. I want you to want to live.

I won’t feed you some bullshit like it’s all going to be OK with time because it may not be, and it may not turn out as you wish, but you will never know if you don’t stick around to find out.

I will instead tell you I am here with you. Let’s take this a minute at a time.

I will remind you that although I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I will be by your side to find out.

You are so important.

I won’t make you feel selfish by telling you to stick around for your family or friends, because I know you feel that leaving would not only end your burden, but theirs as well.

I will tell you someone loves you despite how you feel inside. I will remind you that you are not and never will be a burden. You may not see or even hear it, but someone out there values your life, I value your life. I don’t know you, but I do care because I can empathize with your pain, because I feel it myself.

You are incredibly strong.

I won’t ever tell you that you are being dramatic and don’t really want to die.

I will instead be here to listen and validate your feelings because they are as significant as you are.

I am so proud of you for still staying with me.

I won’t ever tell you things could be worse or that other people have it worse than you and don’t want to die.

I will remind you, that you've been through a lot of things, this one shall pass

Accepting, Doesn't Mean You Understand Her

Have you ever been in a situation where you just don’t understand or comprehend where another person is coming from someone so close to you that you feel blindsided by their reaction or beliefs?

Perhaps they suffer from depression where their perspective of themselves and the world around them is bleak and you just feel you can’t help or fully understand them. There are often times when you offer up your support and understanding to someone feeling stressed but you’re faced with hostility or even blame.

There are important ideas to consider when it comes to accepting our loved ones whose thoughts, beliefs, and reactions can leave us feeling confused and frustrated. But understanding these concepts show that truly loving someone else is all about acceptance and responding in a non-judgmental way.

The Importance of Empathy

Empathy towards others, or the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, can go a long way in a truly loving another person. When you can’t see eye to eye on certain issues, whether it’s big things like marriage or religion, or small stuff like what to eat for dinner, it’s important to express empathy, as it attempts to bridge the divide between the two of you.

Empathy also forces you to practice compassion and become a more compassionate person overall. Compassion allows you to connect with another person and try to see things from their perspective. It gives an insight into their behavior of how and why they may react or act in the way that they do.

We often find ourselves in a situation of potential conflict with a loved one but when that happens, stop and ask yourself why they may be acting the way they are.

Controlling Your Reaction Is Key

It’s often said that you can’t control a situation, only the way you react to it, and this is also true for how you approach the people in your life. We are all sensitive, connected beings and how we think and act can have a much bigger influence on others than we might imagine.

Our reactions can trigger thoughts and behavior in others, both in a negative and a positive way. For example, if your reaction to someone ignoring you is that of anger without understanding why they may have ignored you, that would immediately cause a negative reaction in the other person. In other words, negativity breeds negativity, especially when the reasons of the situations aren’t entirely clear. When coming from a place of calm and giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, you are much more likely to get a calm or positive reaction instead.

Consider Different Mindsets And Perspectives

Humans are naturally quite selfish due to the fact that we often believe how we think, our perspectives, and our opinions are correct, while others are wrong. We rarely consider that each and every person is never having the same experience or thought patterns due to life experiences and limited beliefs. We like to think the people closest to us in life think in a similar way, which may be true, however this is almost never the case, even with couples who have been together for forty or fifty years.

Be mindful of the fact that how you see a problem, situation, or the way someone is reacting to something, isn’t necessarily how the other person is viewing it. By taking another person’s point of view, we broaden our own and this helps us to understand our actions and consequences as well as others’ better, which leads to less assumptions and again, more compassion.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, it’s all about being self-aware and adopting a non-judgmental attitude towards your loved one. We can never be expected to fully understand the minds of even those closest to us but the dynamics in a relationship can be harmonious for all involved when we all learn how to look within ourselves to be less selfish and more understanding.

Embracing these situations and accepting loved ones for who they are and how they think as being different from our own, creates a space of empathy, true love, and genuine respect for each other.