Breaking up is hard to do … especially in the gray area of undefined relationships.
A friend of mine was having trouble with a woman he was seeing. They
started out as friends, and then hooked up. A couple of months later, he
was no longer interested and decided to pull a slow fade away, backing
out without saying anything. But the girl continues to call and text and
he doesn’t understand why.
I keep telling him he’s not clear with what he wants and that if they
were initially friends, she may believe that hook-up or not, they’re
still just that—friends. Friends get busy, but still eventually
reconnect. If you don’t want this to go any further, you need clarity.
It’s that simple.
That’s the problem with how we date today: the lines are so blurred
going in that they don’t get any clearer on the way out. If you were
never really together, you’re not exactly breaking up—it’s more of a
break off.
But how do you know what’s an appropriate way to break things off?
How do you even know if it’s happening to YOU? You should never be
cruel, but there is a certain level of honesty you need to reach.
1. Ghosting
Ever went out with someone a couple of times only to have them
disappear? That phenomenon is known as ghosting. While this is an easy
(and cowardly) way out, it’s acceptable if you’ve only been out a couple
of times. If you haven’t been out that much with this other person and
you don’t respond to their messages or calls, eventually you both can
move on.
2. The Fade Away
The fade away is a slow burn type of break off. You’re not actually
breaking up, because you were never really together. You’re not
completely disappearing on a person, but you’re not making yourself
available either. You start to reply to texts later and later, creating
wider and wider gaps in communication. You just hope that things taper
off.
I really dislike this method. You’re leading someone on by not being
direct. But it’s socially acceptable to use the fade away method if
you’ve only been seeing someone for a short amount of time.
3. Tapping Out
When I was dating, this was my favorite method to break things off
with someone I dated for less than two months. A quick text or call
letting them know you’re no longer interested in pursuing this, is a
direct and considerate way to end your unofficial relationship. You’re
honest, strong, and sympathetic to the other person’s time and options.
You’re tapping out for someone they have a better chance at connecting
with. Hopefully, they’ll agree.
4. The “We Need To Talk” Talk
When you’ve made things official (as in boyfriend-girlfriend), a “we
need to talk” conversation is the least you can do to break things off.
Preferably you have this conversation in person, and are kind and
compassionate with the person on the receiving end. Make sure to go in
with a game plan. Don’t leave things open-ended or talk each other out
of continuing a dead end relationship. You both deserve bigger and
better things.
No matter which method you use, be clear in your decision to end things.
Do not give false hope. Don’t offer friendship if you’d prefer to
remain strangers. Don’t lie and don’t try to protect their feelings more
than is necessary. They need to know the truth. That’s the endgame
here: above all else, end a relationship with honesty and empathy.
What do you think? How do you end these types of gray area relationships?
- y.m.p -