a) none of your damn business, and
b) kind of rude to ask in the first place?
I often refer to myself as a “perpetual monogamist”. My adult life has been a series of long-term relationships, and by “a series” I mean four. I’ve been in four long-term relationships over the last ten years. I didn’t marry any of the past girls, what makes people think that I would treat this relationship any differently. I was engaged to one of them, that didn’t work out (thank God), I was single for a while, and then I got into another long term relationship but yes now I'm single and happy.
"I have friends and family and all of the other things that I feel like I need to make my life complete and a sheet of paper and a change in my KTP or KK Status isn’t going to change any of that."
So, why are people so interested in my marital status? Why do they continually ask when I’m going to get married?
Because they’re rude. Seriously. This is not the 1930’s, I’m not a spinster, and there’s nothing out there that says that getting married will be the only thing that could ever possibly complete my life. Except other people. They say that. They say it without knowing it and without actually saying it. Again, because they’re rude.
I get that they want me to be happy. I want me to be happy. But, I AM happy.
With certain members of my family, it’s somewhat understandable: my grandparents have been married for over sixty years. My parents got married after only knowing each other for nine months and have been happily married for eleven years before my Dad past away. In fact, most of my family members have been happily married for a long time. And I get that. I think it’s wonderful, but that doesn’t mean that I’m in a hurry to do it myself.
So stop asking me. What if marriage isn’t even in my line of sight right now because I’m happy with my current no - relationship and my job is crazy and I’m always working and DO I HAVE A F**KING TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT?!? *deep breath*
I don’t mean any disrespect to those of you who married young. Good for you. I’m happy for you. And I think it’s wonderful. It just didn’t work for me. If I had married the first woman who ever asked me to marry her, I’d probably be dead right now and I’m not even joking about that. It was a horrible, toxic relationship and one that I’m glad to be out of. The years following haven’t always been easy and it’s only been within the last few years that I feel like I’ve finally figured myself out. And now you want me to hurry up and get married because I’m almost 30 and “OMG! Don’t you want to have kids and someone who take care of you?!?” (The answer to that, by the way, is NO I DO NOT - maybe not for now.)
I know it seems like I’ve contradicted myself a billion times in this blog so let me clarify: I don’t think marriage is horrible, I just wish people would quit making it sound like since I’m not getting married right now, my life’s horrible. Because it isn’t. It’s amazing. I have a wonderful life and a cat and a house and a career that I love. I have friends and family and all of the other things that I feel like I need to make my life complete and a sheet of paper and a change in my KTP or KK status isn’t going to change any of that. Does this mean that I’ll never get married? No. It just means that I’m in no hurry, and other people shouldn’t be in a hurry for me.
And to answer the question in a more succinct way: I don’t know. I don't even think about it. And if it’s meant to happen it will. Eventually. When the time is right for me and of course for my future couple whoever she is.
STOP. ASKING
I often refer to myself as a “perpetual monogamist”. My adult life has been a series of long-term relationships, and by “a series” I mean four. I’ve been in four long-term relationships over the last ten years. I didn’t marry any of the past girls, what makes people think that I would treat this relationship any differently. I was engaged to one of them, that didn’t work out (thank God), I was single for a while, and then I got into another long term relationship but yes now I'm single and happy.
"I have friends and family and all of the other things that I feel like I need to make my life complete and a sheet of paper and a change in my KTP or KK Status isn’t going to change any of that."
So, why are people so interested in my marital status? Why do they continually ask when I’m going to get married?
Because they’re rude. Seriously. This is not the 1930’s, I’m not a spinster, and there’s nothing out there that says that getting married will be the only thing that could ever possibly complete my life. Except other people. They say that. They say it without knowing it and without actually saying it. Again, because they’re rude.
I get that they want me to be happy. I want me to be happy. But, I AM happy.
With certain members of my family, it’s somewhat understandable: my grandparents have been married for over sixty years. My parents got married after only knowing each other for nine months and have been happily married for eleven years before my Dad past away. In fact, most of my family members have been happily married for a long time. And I get that. I think it’s wonderful, but that doesn’t mean that I’m in a hurry to do it myself.
So stop asking me. What if marriage isn’t even in my line of sight right now because I’m happy with my current no - relationship and my job is crazy and I’m always working and DO I HAVE A F**KING TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT?!? *deep breath*
I don’t mean any disrespect to those of you who married young. Good for you. I’m happy for you. And I think it’s wonderful. It just didn’t work for me. If I had married the first woman who ever asked me to marry her, I’d probably be dead right now and I’m not even joking about that. It was a horrible, toxic relationship and one that I’m glad to be out of. The years following haven’t always been easy and it’s only been within the last few years that I feel like I’ve finally figured myself out. And now you want me to hurry up and get married because I’m almost 30 and “OMG! Don’t you want to have kids and someone who take care of you?!?” (The answer to that, by the way, is NO I DO NOT - maybe not for now.)
I know it seems like I’ve contradicted myself a billion times in this blog so let me clarify: I don’t think marriage is horrible, I just wish people would quit making it sound like since I’m not getting married right now, my life’s horrible. Because it isn’t. It’s amazing. I have a wonderful life and a cat and a house and a career that I love. I have friends and family and all of the other things that I feel like I need to make my life complete and a sheet of paper and a change in my KTP or KK status isn’t going to change any of that. Does this mean that I’ll never get married? No. It just means that I’m in no hurry, and other people shouldn’t be in a hurry for me.
And to answer the question in a more succinct way: I don’t know. I don't even think about it. And if it’s meant to happen it will. Eventually. When the time is right for me and of course for my future couple whoever she is.
STOP. ASKING
